DEADLY WARNING BEHIND “MORPHING”
SUGGESTED BY THE NOVEL ALPHA
PSYC 2315 ALPHA ESSAY
Change happens to us all, affecting everyone in different ways. The events taking place in our lives effect how we approach change. Not only have I witnessed a loved one morph into a “monster” while I became unrecognizable to my own family. This experience was one of the most hurtful and defining points of my young life. Morphing provides many examples in modern living.
At the age of sixteen I had completed high school earlier than most. I held three jobs at once and considered myself to be very bright for my age. However, I was very naive to the ways of the world—sort of book smart but not “street smart”. At this point, I knew people who were “monsters”—awful people who acted irresponsibly, but they were upfront and in “your face” about it. I had yet to experience the hidden agenda of the “wolf in sheep’s clothing”, until one fateful day I met the love of my life or so I thought.
Once our eyes locked, butterflies filled my stomach and goosebumps fell over me. I know now this defines lust, not love. He indeed possessed the gift of gab; he had me wrapped around his little finger from day-one.
He was respectful, gorgeous, charming and most of all he was “too good to be true” which I now know from PSYC class is a big, fat “red flag”. But, I had no clue where all his charms might take me.
On our first date he asked me intimate questions about my life; he wanted to know about my family, my interests and oddly enough he asked me about my fears. I’m not sure if it was because this was the first date or if he was truly interested in me and was actually listening to what I had to say; simply put, I was captivated by him. Thanks to PSYC classes, again I now know this was an instance of an “audition” of which I passed with flying colors! We were inseparable for the next few months, I had already met his father and he had met my family; everyone adored him…at first.
As time passed things started to change and he was becoming more possessive and temperamental.
We would have little “spats” here and there over unusual things. I would be looking straight ahead and he would accuse me of looking at another guy. Every time I picked up my phone he wanted to know who it was and if it was a guy. I have to admit at first I did not see this as a red flag, I found it cute he was being so protective, I just thought he loved me so much he was just worried to lose me. I was clueless of the coming storm!
A little after a year “JD” and I became engaged, undeniably the happiest moment of my life. My mother, on the other hand, was not so happy; she saw the signs and warned me on numerous occasions to leave and eventually she forbids me to see him anymore. Again, thanks to PSYC class I discovered her observations were based more on her fully developed PFC in contrast to my “drama filled” MLS full of the pleasure-seeking molecules of dopamine.
Not only did her strategy drive me deeper into his arms but it damaged our relationship. JD and I moved in together and it only took a few weeks after that to observe his morph and for my world to shatter and my transformation to begin—just as predicted by the novel, Alpha!
One day at the mall I saw a girl I had recognized not only through mutual friends but also because she was my lover’s ex-girlfriend; a person whom I had thought was spreading rumors about me. Being a teenage girl, I confronted her about the rumors right there in the mall while she was surrounded by her friends. Coincidently JT calls as I approached the group. I answer to tell him who I found at the mall, very sassy like; he proceeds to tell me not to believe anything. I found this to be a bit odd and my “gut” feeling started to kick in. I ask the girl about the rumors. She proceeds to tell me she and JT had just recently broken off their engagement.
I showed her my ring and it nearly floored me, it was almost identical to the ring he had bought her. My stomach sinks as I start to feel ill. Till this day I can’t explain exactly what I felt but the closest I can get is the feeling of my heart slowly being ripped apart into pieces. The betrayal shattered me.
I met up with JD that evening and his golden tongue prevailed again and I gave him a second chance; but honestly, my feelings were never the same for him again. I learned our female brain is highly vulnerable to the charms of handsome (albeit lying) males.
A few weeks go by and things were slowly getting back to normal but I constantly found myself questioning where he was really going and doing; I decided to “stuck it out” and tried to make him happy. I truly wanted this to work. He made this impossible at times and our arguments became constant.
On one occasion our argument had reached the point where he was beating me down with all of his awful comments; I just broke down in tears. At this point, I felt drained and every sentence from his mouth was to hurt me. I remember looking up as tears rolled down my face and I swear I saw his eyes go from a beautiful brown to pitch black—the dark stare of a psychopath!
He smiled as he looked down at me and just walked away; he was enjoying our fights! He was getting pleasure out of my pain, I knew this and still, I stayed: I could fix him; I just knew I could. Sadly, in trying to fix things between us and keep him happy I didn’t notice how far I had drifted from my friends and my family—I had morphed too!
I had no one to confide in because no one understood why I stayed. I couldn’t see what everyone else saw at first—the good times were magical, but the monster was real and dictated by his morph. I couldn’t figure out how this Mr. Hyde monster could be the same wonderful man—Dr. Jekyll— who I could spend hours doing nothing but holding each other while talking and laughing.
It amazed me how JD was able to be two completely different people within a matter of moments. He had the persona that he wanted everyone to see, but on the flip side he had The Hyde-side, his real self. It reminded me a lot of Nick Hush’s novel “Alpha” where Jon hid his werewolf side until he chose to morph. He controls when the change happens and who sees his “other self”. He struggles at times to hide his alter-ego when his emotions get involved; so did my guy.
He would unravel at times in public when he felt he was being challenged by another male. A majority of the time it was truly in his head; I started to wonder if he had a heart.
A male waiter could bring me a drink I ordered and he would accuse him of trying to sleep with me? Or an old coworker could come say “Hi” to us both and he would become dead silent and I could literally feel him shaking and his whole demeanor changing. Much like Adalbern in the novel Alpha, he felt the need to challenge Jon to a fight just because he was a newcomer to town. Simply by his presence, he felt the need for a fight to determine dominance. Even with all of the red flags displayed by JD, I chose to stay and work things out. My life was being drained away with all the stress; I didn’t notice myself morphing into another person!
A year passed, I have become suspicious of every activity he does. He would go to the restroom and I would start yelling at him for taking his phone with him.
At home, he would leave and not come back for hours; when he finally returned, I was right in his face screaming obscenities at him. I found myself angry constantly and he would always talk his way out of everything; he would convince me I was just paranoid and acting crazy for absolutely no reason.
I started to ease up a bit until one day his phone rang while he was outside and the screen popped up “BABE”. I answered and set up a time to meet this mysterious woman and she agreed.
I look through his phone to find FOUR other women he has been seeing. Astonishingly, I met with all five women. Guess what? They all had similar stories.
How dreamy he was at first and how emotionally abusive he was after a few months. One of the young ladies had been physically abused. At this point, I felt nothing…I was disgusted and just wanted to leave. The next day I planned my escape; I come to the conclusion I will have my bags packed and at the back of the house and I will pretend to go to work and grab the bags as I exit. My plan is in place and I start towards the door; suddenly, he decides he wants me to stay. Now obvious to me (finally) his reasoning is for total control over me and other men will no longer be able to “hit on me”. I continue towards my exit; he blocks me from leaving, I can feel his rage building; he begins to “go off the handle”. He yells and threatens me and I find myself filling with rage until finally I reach my breaking point and hit him in the mouth. I then begin to yell and bring up the other five other women and how disgusted I was with him and how little of a man he truly was. Shockingly he calmly walks away.
I dropped down to the floor in a daze, who was I? What had I become? My morph was complete. I had become controlling myself and morphing into a physically and emotionally abusive “monster”.
My anger turned to guilt and I went to look for him. I found him just sitting in his car alone. I get in the passenger side and we both just sit. A strange noise breaks the silence as I look in his direction and abruptly stopped by the pressing of a gun barrel to my head. He proceeded to tell me if he couldn’t have me that no one else could. He was preparing to kill me!
I believe I was in shock; I simply agreed and asked him before he killed me might I go the restroom. Unbelievably, he agreed and I simply walked away! Then out of his view, I ran out the door and hid down the street. I started walking toward the closest busy street when I see a car slowly making its way down the street. I kneeled down behind a car in dead silence. Then, I heard a very disturbing voice “Julie, time to go home” and laughed and just repeated this up and down the street until he was no longer visible.
Finally, I stepped off the roller-coaster that night and left him for good.
It wasn’t until my life was on the line did it finally dawn on me “like a ton of bricks”—the person I fell in love with was not capable of love and was, in fact, a complete psychopath. JD was like a Venus fly trap. He attracted women hoping to consume their lives. He became the master of the morph!
I will never be the same naive and trusting girl again—ever!
I will always suspect an alternative motive and trust will never come easy for me. Yes, we all change as we go through life. Sometimes it’s for the better and sometimes, it’s for the worse. My experience nearly killed me! I will not be following Prince Charming-type ever again thinking I can change him; I will read the red flags we learned in the course and go my own way just like Jon in Alpha.
Thanks Nick Hush for reminding us in a work of fiction what real life can mimic.
Hush, Nick. Alpha. Kendall Hunt Publishing Company (2015).
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